It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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