were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize