yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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