He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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