Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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