What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
