shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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