U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
COCAINE IS GR8
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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