my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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