Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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