I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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