i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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