my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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