So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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