I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize