you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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