the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize