he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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