I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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