im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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