Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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