It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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