I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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