I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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