Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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