I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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Is it penis luge time yet?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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