oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize