he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just had sex on a roof
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize