once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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