duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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