Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize