i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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