She is in my trunk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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