hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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