did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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