So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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