you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize