We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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