READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Life is so much better after having sex.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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