Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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