I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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