Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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