Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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