Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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