Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize