Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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