Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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