yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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