I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize