drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize