I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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